Family Crisis and Stress

I'm not going to lie. This semester has been extremely trying on every level. I feel like things keep happening right after another and there is so break. Ever. After describing some of the things I have been going through to a friend, they recommended a talk by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin entitled "Sunday Will Come." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/sunday-will-come?lang=eng I am so grateful for this talk, and for a reassurance that our trials do end. They end because our Savior, Jesus Christ paid the price for us to be able to overcome anything. I defiantly recommend this talk to everyone who is going through a hard time right now. Here is just a little insight to what Elder Wirthlin has to say 

"Each of us will have our own Fridays -- those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death -- Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."

Every family will experience hard and stressful times. That is part of life. We shouted for joy to come to earth to get a body and gain earthly experience, knowing full well that trials would be part of this mortal experience.   

A lesson in life that we all need to learn is: "You can't control all of the things that happen in your life, but you can control the way you respond to them." I learned in class this past week just how important a strong family system is during times of crisis and stress. Crisis' effect the whole family whether you want it to or not. Reuben Hill in 1958 created a way to express a crisis on a family using an equation. He called it the ABCX model. Most of us focus on the experience and don't talk about what is going on, let alone look for resources to help us. It is important to recognize all three aspects that make up the experience.

It is important to understand that a stressor and a crisis are two different ideas:
Stressor:  puts pressure on a system, but the system will bounce back
Crisis: a temporary or permanent change in a family
I think the Chinese have the best definition of crisis. They have two brush strokes to describe the word crisis. One stroke represents danger and the other stroke represents opportunity. I would say that most times when we are given a challenge in life, it is a time for us to learn and to grow from the experience.

I think it is safe to say that everyone deals with stress differently.
Ineffective Coping Patterns
*Denial: not believing what you observe
*Avoidance: admit there is a problem, but avoid confronting and dealing with it
*Scapegoating: admit there is a problem, but shift the blame to someone else so that you don't have to feel responsible for the situation
Tools for Effective Coping
*Take responsibility
*Affirm your own worth and your family's worth
*Balance self-control with self-concern
*learn the art of re-framing
*Find and use available resources

The most important thing during a crisis is to stay close together as a family. Most crisis are usually aimed at tearing the family apart. Imagine you are standing in a circle holding hands with your family and someone comes behind each of you and tries to pull you down. You will each feel the stress in a different way, Sometimes it will be directly on you, other times it will be on someone else.  But if you face the crisis together as a family, you will be able to prepare for the stress that will affect your family by holding tighter to each other and adjusting to help others.

Another way to describe effective coping is through an analogy of a coping saw and crown molding. The way you put up molding in a room is to start with the shortest wall. You measure the wall and pick out a piece of molding that is about the same length. You then cut the molding using a coping saw to make minuscule changes to the end of the molding to fit perfectly with the other end, so that the two pieces fit together seamlessly. This prepares it for temperature changes, you will not see the wood fluctuate because the two pieces of molding--if done correctly--will press against each other for support.
~So how does this apply to how we cope with stress?~
Start with the things you can handle and build up to the harder things. Take time to cope wisely, that way when a crisis does hit your life, you cannot visibly see the fluctuation this crisis may cause because you turned to your family for support.

Family systems who work together can face some very difficult things. Which is why it is so important to have a father and a mother who work together as equal partners. Now, I know not everyone is in a situation where you have a mother and a father working together as equal partners. I get that. Some of you may only have one parent, or none. You may be facing crisis and challenges alone. I want to bear you my testimony that God hears your prayers. He knows you are going through a tough time. He knows you can make it through because He doesn't give His children more than we can handle. Be aware of the way you cope with stress and crisis, don't let in destroy the relationships you have, but rather, let these crisis bring you closer together.