This week in class we talked about sexual intimacy and how it effects our family relations. To start off I would like to share a quote from President Henry B. Eyring:
"Just as Jesus used a child in His mortal ministry as an example for the people of the pure love they must and could have to be like Him, He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves. That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is."
Most of our education about sex comes from the media. Unfortunately, Satan has done an incredible job making sex seem bad. What happens to us as we keep exposing ourselves to sex? We will think it to be normal and acceptable outside of marriage. We are overexposed to sex everywhere we go and we are becoming numb to its effects. Where do we learn that sex is good?........NO WHERE. Having sex with your partner is a very sacred and special experience for you as a couple. Sex is supernatural and Godlike, the best sex is when each partner is thinking only about the other person. That is why it needs to be saved for after marriage.
As I have mentioned in previous blog entries, men and women are very different from each other. When it comes down to sexuality it is SO important to understand these differences. One difference is Response cycles for men and women are very different which causes problems such as unsatisfaction miscommunication, and misunderstanding between the couple.
Women need to feel safe before they continue on to have sex. Sex is a decision that she has to flip a switch to decide to do, whereas men, want to have sex to feel secure. This is called the sex security cycle.
Another thing to keep in mind:
Men peak sexually between 18-19 years old
Women peak sexually between 30-35 years old.
Therefore, most children come between the ages of 21-29 on average.
Because the world is so uneducated on the topic of sex, there are many couples who experience affairs. There are 4 types of affairs.
1. Fantasy: an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge it is taking place
2. Visual: pornography
3. Romantic: emotionally involved with someone other than your spouse
4. Sexual: engagement of sexual acts outside of the marriage bond with or without emotional attachment.
Affairs occur because an individual is not satisfied with their own marriage. That is why it is important to keep what is most precious as close to us as possible. Creating proper boundaries between the couple and outside forces is critical for preventing a possible affair. Subtle threats to marital fidelity stem from friends of the opposite gender, Facebook, family, and fighting, Marriages can be protected if "clear, firm boundaries around a marriage -set from the very beginning- protect and preserve." There are absolutely no benefits for having a friend of the opposite sex after you get married. If you are engaged to be married, a great conversation to have between you and your fiancee/fiance would be about Facebook friends and friends of the opposite gender. One recommendation to prevent an affair from occurring would be to create a joint Facebook page.
Healthy boundaries between a husband and wife compared to an unhealthy one look like this:
Now onto my last subject for the day: What can we teach our children about sex, so that they are properly educated?
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has put out an incredible guide with recommendations on what to teach your children at every age. I have only skimmed the surface of the content in this book, but it was divinely written. It starts off by talking about families and our purpose here on earth. Then goes onto teach the parents what to discuss with their children about sex at each age:
Infants/Toddlers (Birth to 3 years)
*teach about being sons and daughter of God
*react properly to young children's discoveries of their bodies
Children (4-11 years)
*teach children to take care of their bodies
*teach the difference between intiment relationships and the kinds of relationships
*teach basic difference between men and women
*teach sexuality
*protect your children from physical and sexual abuse
Adolescents (12-18)
*challenges that will accompany puberty
*they can control their desires for physical intimacy
*help teenagers to have wholesome social experiences
*this is a time for developing spiritual power
Courtship/Marriage
*young men need to know that a young women should be a queen of her own body
*gentleness and consideration is important before and after marriage
*chastity is the crown of beautiful womanhood, self-control is the source of true manhood
*minimize the faults, commend virtues
This is a very sensitive topic to be discussing. There are not a lot of good resources to go to for questions. Which is why I have some suggestions for you all:
*"And They Were Not Ashamed" By: Laura Brotherson
*"Knowing Her Intimately" By: Laura Brotherson
*"A Parents Guide" Provided by LDS.org https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng
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