For starters there are two types of love. The first type is the romantic love. This is commonly referred to physical attraction or hormonal love. This is where you experience the "in-love" experience. You have obsessive thoughts about your significant other, you have butterflies in your stomach, your heart pounds more intensely. If you are experiencing this, you are being influenced by the hormones nor-epinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. However, this is just a temporary state of being. It should only last about 2 years, it was not designed to last any longer than that because it is exhausting. This leads us to the second type of love: real love. This is powered by the hormone, oxycontin, which is the bonding hormone. Real love is permanent. It is more rewarding, richer, and fuller than the romantic love.
Please do not misunderstand, romantic love does not go away forever rather your love for them will mature. Here is my definition of real love: To me, real love is knowing another person inside and out. It is a journey through the thick and thin of life. Real love is sacrifice and commitment to and for another person. Real love is not selfish, but rather kind and gentle. But most importantly real love it growing old with another person whom you love and care eternally about. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 explains scripturally what I think real love is “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth."
In a world where Satan has contaminated the meaning of real love, the mind of the youth thinks that real love is magical and all about attraction. I hate to break it to you, but attraction is NOT love! Attraction or in other words hormones, blind you. They make you feel like you are in love. In reality, true love comes after all that mushy gushy stuff passes. Real love is steady and it takes work; hard work. But it is achievable! That is why it is so important to choose your eternal companion wisely. I think President Monson has said it best “choose your love, and love your choice.” It is as simple and as complicated as that.
So how do we choose wisely?
The first aspect of dating is filters. There are over 7 billion people in the world, how are you supposed to narrow them down to one to marry? The first filter is propinquity, how accessible someone is to you. The second filter is visual appeal, or attractiveness. The third filter is knowing, actually getting to know their personality, how they act in certain situations.
Once you have narrowed down your search for finding a spouse, we can talk about attachment. Attachment means you are connected to someone in a way that needs are being met. This is where the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model) comes in.
Now you might be wondering how you truly get to know someone. Let me introduce you to the "KnowQuo"
The KnowQuo consists of the 3 T's Time: it takes a minimum of 3 months to even begin to know someone. Talk: This is where you talk about each other. Find out their interests, hobbies, etc. This is also the time where you open up about yourself, this is also known as mutual self disclosure. Togetherness: this means you go on dates. The wider range of activities you share together, the better you get to know them.
Just a quick note on cohabitation: There are 4 different reasons why people cohabitate. 1. Consider it a "trial run" before marriage 2. They go into it with the intentions of getting married 3. In place of marriage 4. ehh, what the heck. When men and women cohabit they are living parallel life's. They have their own things, obligations, and money. They will most likely follow this same pattern if they do get married. That is why we date, get married, then live together!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Idealy if men and women get to know each other, marriage will bring the couple together as one.
Word of caution to BYU-Idaho students: The dating patterns here at BYU-I go like this, two people will go on a couple of dates and then declare themselves and item, then they spend EVERY waking minute with each other. This is essentially the same idea as cohabitation. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY MARRIAGE PREPARATION!!!!! I beg you all to really truly get to know each other. See each other in as many situations as you possibly can. Do not slide through dating.
In conclusion, I want to relate dating back to The Proclamation to The World: The Family. In the Proclamation it states that the roles of the father is to preside, provide, and protect. During the dating process, men are able to practice these roles as we follow the counsel of Elder Oaks and have dates that are planned, paid for, and paired off. Women can practice their roles as nurturers as they validate men, nurture best behavior, and be a safe haven. Women cannot go through the dating time passively. Dating is preparation for marriage!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment